I am currently on vacation staying in Brisbane on the east coast of Australia. Therefore I am approximately a 5hour flight from my home town of Perth and more disconcertingly 5 hours from my gym. Running late today (funny how one can run out of time doing nothing on a vacation) I had to make the choice between not working out or braving the local national fitness chain (Fitness First). For those of you located in the US this chain is scarily similar to planet fitness in the US though thankfully without the lunk alarm (so far!). Conceptually this chain caters for those not interested in working out properly or who dont want to feel discomfort or effectively those that dont actually want results!
Four hours later I am still in shock at the affront to common sense I witnessed while trying to manfully complete a basic hard and heavy Rippentoe workout. I will try and articulate my brief journey to the twighlight zone.
After signing in and handing over $22 I made my way to the weights area: carefully navigating past an anorexic blonde in full boxing kit sparring with a PT (personal trainer), a spin class in the dark?!? and the obligatory and dizzying array of cardio equipment. When I finally reached the weight area 3/4 of the space was taken up by plate loading machines while what free weights I could locate were crammed into the small remaining space.
Crazy shit no.1
There are at least 8 PT's on the floor. One guy is helping a clearly out of shape asian student by giving him forced reps on every set and the PT is clearly doing all of the lifting. Note each PT is resplendent in tight polo shirts and giving the standard "high five" and "maaaate!" to everyone within 5 meters. Actually stay tuned I am sure in the near future they will give the high five a technical name and have everyone performing it on a bosu ball,shit they will probably hold classes! The creepiest thing is that everyone is smiling, doing predominately isolation exercises and clearly not working hard. Its a little reminiscent of a cult only instead of praying to a god they are preying to the great spandex god of stupidity.
Crazy Shit no.2
There is only 1 squat rack and one bench press, your fucking kidding me!!!
Crazy Shit no.3
Everyone is doing really strange variations of exercises. I noticed at least 3 guys doing lateral raises but performing them while rotating their trunk from one side to the next. It looked like they were trying to perform a lateral raises in slow motion and combine it with a twist for serratus and obliques. Really weird!
Crazy Shit no.4
You know the next one dont you? Bosu ball, yes it wouldn't be a fucked up national chain if every second exercise wasn't performed on a Bosu ball. So I am trying to knock out ass to the ground squats and jammed up next to me is some nutter doing one single arm presses while half squatting up and down on a bosu ball. Not far behind is some other wacko doing one legged squats on one. So tell me what activity do these guys undertake outside of the gym that requires them to balance like that????? Oh and you know that the most popular piece of kit was the cable cross over. Oh yes at least 6-7 guys were lining up to really "fry" their pecs with that useless piece of shit.
Crazy Shit 5.
No one knows how to spot. I am benching for my second exercise and because I am at an unfamiliar gym I ask for a spot to ensure no hiccups. By this I mean a lift off and then dont touch the fucking bar until I re rack it. Now I thought I clearly explained this to the guy spotting me but something was lost in translation because the next thing I know "Mr Compression shirt" (dont get me started on this) tries to upright row my bench off me every fucking time my bar speed slows...serenity now serenity now!!!
Overall it was the worst training environment I have ever experienced. Lots of young guys without a clue and no one working hard. I understand how these gyms make their money, people are given such shit advice that no one has any chance of improving their physique so these poor half wits keep turning up and making zero progress. Truly truly horrible and now I know what guys in the US experience when they train at places like planet fitness.
Avoid these places like the plague they are an anathema to hard training and cater to the average uninformed fool who doesnt want to work hard and if they do they'd rather aerobacise themselves into oblivion.
Thomo
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