Finding a decent gym - It's easier to find pants to fit Ronnie Coleman!

Let me say this upfront, changing gyms is painful....really really painful. In fact I had root canal recently and I would say the $5000 and 3 visits I spent were actually less painful. Ok some of this had to do with the cool DVD glasses that I got to watch movies on while the dentist madly excavated my tooth but that’s a story for a different blog!

So what precipitated my change of diggs? Same old story, the owners of my gym went bust. The signs were evident several months out when pieces of equipment stayed broken for months without repair and the gym began offering ridiculous deals to re-sign. Neither of these bothered me really but when the gym started to curtail opening hours then I knew the jig was up....well that and a stand up argument with the manager where I left him in no doubt about my thoughts on what were by then very shady operating practices.

For me it wasn’t so bad as I only had 2 months to run on my membership so visa card in hand I undertook a whistle stop tour of gyms within a reasonable vicinity of home.  As I have mentioned before I am old school so my gym requirements are remarkably simple. All I require is a power cage, room to deadlift a decent bench and that’s it, I don’t ask for much. In fact my needs are that simple I would say the famous Metro Flex is too fancy for me! Therefore it should be straightforward to find a location...think again!!!

Gym No. 1

This is a large corporate chain which we will call “Fitness First” for the purposes of this blog. Just stepping into the shiny corporate environment made my throw-up a little in my mouth. Firstly the corporate sales person had to meet with me before I can take a tour. So then some skinny guy with a brothel tan and a physique that resembled a hunger striker greeted me to “understand my fitness goals”. Fuck me this is already bad and its going to get worse. After the obligatory small chat I finally get access to the gym floor. Ok first observations, it was shit. Upon reflection however...it was really shit! Firstly no power rack and only 1 squat rack. Worse still the whole set up was focused on ensuring you couldn’t actually load weight on anything.

The bench presses were actually on the floor so when laying on the bench your feet were level with the bench. In effect it forces you into the same position as if you were doing benches with feet up on the bench (poor stability and limits weight). The leg press had a couple of the horizontal weight loading stacks removed so you would be lucky to get 200kgs on there. Worse still as I am surveying all of this Mr David Spade lookalike is engaged in this god awful monologue about how wonderful the gym is and how many different type of cardio equipment there are.  Suffice to say I got the hell out of there.

Gym No.2

I was a little more confident on my next stop as I had previously trained here about 5 years ago. Though it was a corporate gym back then it had a good weights area and not too busy. Then almost immediately my optimism was eroded as once again I had to discuss my “ fitness goals” with some polo necked numbnut before I could even get into the gym. Fifteen painful minutes later I finally get onto the weight floor...fuck me where are the weights? Clearly in the intervening years someone had decided to make this facility a mecca to the great god of cardio. Everywhere I stepped I bumped into another stepper/crosstrainer/rower.  I start spinning blindly looking for free weights, a bench, shit even sand filled plastic dumbbells? All I can locate is a weird looking bench setup and some platedloading machines. Mr Polo shirt can see the disappointment in my face this obviously confuses him as he asks whats wrong, as if it is inconceivable that this cardio nirvana could not have me in a rapturous state of joy. So I trot out my standard simple guy spiel i.e bench, squat and deadlift. I repeat the last point looking around and asking Mr Polo “where would I deadlift”. Silence...confused look... then the question that had me dumbfounded...sorry can you explain “what is a deadlift?” Now I have to demonstrate what a deadlift is after which he then has to mimic it to a younger junior mr Polo shirt who while evidencing a flicker of recognition leaves me in no doubt that they both will be more likely to see the return of Haleys comet than actually perform a deadlift themselves. Eventually Mr Polo shirt suggests I can do it at the squat rack, a sorry looking half rack sitting jammed behind a pillar. Never mind the rack was sitting on a slick as ice slippery parquet floor and there didn’t seem to be a 20 kg plate anywhere in the gym. I leave dejected and slowly running out of options.

Gym No. 3

Now I was down to the final option of those gyms that I could characterise as relatively close to home, so if this wasn’t suitable I would be in for some serious commuting. Once again I had experience with this gym in a previous location many years ago. It had a reputation for decent facilities and comfortingly its longevity. The gym had actually been in business 35 years though it now inhabited a larger location, the site of a previously failed venture. First good sign, I could have a look without having to meet a slimy salesperson or filling out another useless form. First impressions were good. Large floorplan, decent free weight area plus a power rack (cheap and ordinary but hey you know what they say about beggars). Furthermore they gave me a free week of training so I could try before I bought... perfect!!

To provide the obligatory happy ending the trial period revealed a solid if uninspiring facility adequate for my purposes. Now that’s not to say that I am not constantly amused by the endless array of confused nutters whom I share the floor with but for $599 for 15 months I can deal with crazies!

Overall I was disappointed by the lack of decent training facilities in my city. I come from Perth a city of over 1.5M so there must be enough similarly like minded guys/gals to justify a decent strength training facility and ensure it is viable? I did find one such location but it was a good 2 hour return trip which given my work hours just wasn’t viable. A few months ago I read a feature article in Muscular Development which lamented how hard it is to find a decent gym in the US , so at least I am not alone. The way I see it the average population are generally lazy and disinterested when it comes to training. Strength training, lifting heavy weights with compounded movements is the fastest and best way to positively change your body composition. However for most people this is too hard and thus industry supports this lackadaisical attitude with gyms that are sanitised and devoid of work ethic.  

Finding a good gym is like finding a good woman, if you do find one hang on to it and don’t ever leave! Let me know do you guys have the same issues when changing?